I have looked at the cursor several times since typing that one word. Cyberspace is still….strange to me at times. People share at least what seems to be so much of themselves with virtual strangers. Sharing abstract feelings, fantasies, euphemistic longings, memories….all of that is easy.
I have a very few very close friends. They tell me I am like the layers of the earth. I seem to “spill all quickly,” and then they realize after getting to know me further that that is just the first layer. The layer of sharing that seems personal but it relatively easy to share. The things that are fragile and intimate details and……private things are very private.
I think that is why it took a very long time for He and I to realize what was already true. He was the first person in a very very long time who had penetrated the complex outer walls and really knew…..ME. And because of His life…..I had been the same for Him. We always knew and frequently reminded ourselves and each other that this was not for life. This was for a time, for the purpose of awakening, for those initial steps into a journey we both had dreamed of taking. He sent me a picture…..it was of something brand new, something that needed to grow. We talked about the care with which it would be tended, and how once the roots had taken hold and growth was hearty, there would not be a need for the same kind of tending. In other words, we would begin to grow together, and then that growth would eventually take us to the place we were grew better apart.
Ah….this is why the deeper layers are harder. No poetry or racy stories 😉 I am not as free as He needs someone to be. He needs more than I am free to give. I crave……..something. I know it is just out of my clarity, but it is….something. I need regroup, wait, then think about taking the risk.
I called this post Turn, Turn, Turn because I love that song, and I have always loved that passage in Ecclesiastes. Sometimes things are just for a season.