Tag Archive | change

Turn, Turn, Turn

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Change

I have looked at the cursor several times since typing that one word.  Cyberspace is still….strange to me at times.  People share at least what seems to be so much of themselves with virtual strangers.  Sharing abstract feelings, fantasies, euphemistic longings, memories….all of that is easy.

Sharing….personal life.

I have a very few very close friends.  They tell me I am like the layers of the earth.  I seem to “spill all quickly,” and then they realize after getting to know me further that that is just the first layer.  The layer of sharing that seems personal but it relatively easy to share.  The things that are fragile and intimate details and……private things are very private.

I think that is why it took a very long time for He and I to realize what was already true.  He was the first person in a very very long time who had penetrated the complex outer walls and really knew…..ME.  And because of His life…..I had been the same for Him.  We always knew and frequently reminded ourselves and each other that this was not for life.  This was for a time, for the purpose of awakening, for those initial steps into a journey we both had dreamed of taking.  He sent me a picture…..it was of something brand new, something that needed to grow.  We talked about the care with which it would be tended, and how once the roots had taken hold and growth was hearty, there would not be a need for the same kind of tending.  In other words, we would begin to grow together, and then that growth would eventually take us to the place we were grew better apart.

Ah….this is why the deeper layers are harder.  No poetry or racy stories 😉  I am not as free as He needs someone to be.  He needs more than I am free to give.  I crave……..something.  I know it is just out of my clarity, but it is….something.  I need regroup, wait, then think about taking the risk.

I called this post Turn, Turn, Turn because I love that song, and I have always loved that passage in Ecclesiastes.  Sometimes things are just for a season.

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Painting: Heaven’s Embrace

Set adrift through changes

Chosen for survival

Rising and falling along the cracks

In resolve

Expectations fallen like seeds

On dry ground….

Looking in the shallow pool

Trying to identify the reflection

And evaluate its value.

Turning away and hiding in the tress.

Sleeping under it’s branches

Leaning against it’s strength

Renewed with strength,

Lying among its roots….

Until the weight releases

And I climb

And climb,

Never looking down,

Not knowing what is above the leaves…..

Him

Calling

Reaching out

Empowering me to let go,

And fall

Into His embrace

And fly.

 

turn

I have sensed the change since Sir and I last met.  But I still can’t describe it.  I am not sure that He can either.  It isn’t discussed, but it is there.  And even though I love words, I don’t have any.

I remember a long time ago hearing about a verse that mentions “groanings that cannot be uttered.”  Music is that for me.  Sometimes with words, sometimes without.  Sometimes a dark room and the Bose speakers are enough.  

But not today.  Today is for singing.  It isn’t enough to listen to music today.  I have to make it.  The house is empty and the piano is ready.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvWfHIo5-kU – For Good, from Wicked

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T0AWUMMNYA – A New Life, from Jekyll and Hyde

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AydPaIjvVks – There You Are, Martina McBride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYEeAOTIQ2c – Someone to Watch Over Me, Ella Fitzgerald

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z32vWjJSrvw – Without You, from Rent

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPgwoYY_uWE – Pretty Baby, Vanessa Carlton

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlMBcTGJ4YM – Defying Gravity, from Wicked

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1LAOQKwD54 – Summertime, Gershwin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN-FQYzS1cc – Fever, Beyonce’s version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IA3ZvCkRkQ – Hero, Mariah Carey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM – Beautiful, Christina Aguilera

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_14ilSveSDI – Perfect, Pink