I am sure that for almost any Dominant, it is a joy to have a passionate, glad submissive. To enjoy her spunk and spirit and laughter and to be lifted by her smile. To have her share her joys and achievements with her Sir and to embrace Him in her happiness. And believe me, I am a great proponent of joy, levity, gladness, and passion. It sharing it with and giving it to Sir only enhances it.
however, there is something very special that my Sir does for me…..and I cannot help but wonder how unique it rare and special it may be.
Without divulging too much of my private, non-subbie life, I was diagnosed several years ago with a condition that requires medication. It is well controlled and I follow my doctor’s instructions religiously. I carry on as normal 98% of the time. However, one of the medications has a very short “half-life.” And when one lives in a rural area, it occasionally happens that the pharmacy may be out of stock. I have learned to deal with this by making sure I call in a refill with several pills to go just in case.
Except for last week.
I called in on a Friday with only one pill left. And they were out of stock. No big deal; they usually get it in the next day. Except it was Saturday. Then Sunday. By Monday evening the darkness began to close in. Those dark thoughts and fears and sadnesses that are not usually an issue…..unless I begin to go into withdrawal from this particular medicine. The fear that I will always be too much or not enough. The thought that I have always been good enough to be a friend or to be fucked but never to love completely. All of that intangible emptiness that goes along with depression at times. And though I knew it was NOT real and that missing a weekend of doses was the culprit, the tears still flowed. I still wailed out those sobs that cause a raspy throat the next day. And I wanted Sir.
And do you know what? He did not recoil at my neediness. He did not scold my tears. He did not call me a drama queen or declare me too difficult or decide that I was too weak for Him. He is still here. He comforts, cares, and does not judge. I am not deemed unworthy of his time because I have weakness, not even because at times I have darkness.
I believe he is the first man in my life to embrace all of me….even the parts that are not always sexy and sensual and carefree.