Archive | November 2012

My submissive model

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I am not certain she would classify herself as “a submissive” in the lifestyle sense.  But she was….and is, in practice.  And without even thinking of it consciously, she is my ideal.

She is beautiful and utterly feminine even without frills (which she rarely wore).  She was successful in her career, one of the first women in the state in her position, attaining a PhD in her early 40’s.  She was strong but soft.  She was gracious and tactful and kind but did not suffer fools gladly.  She cooked, her house was always neat, and she looked put together at all times, even if the clothing was simple and casual.  She did what worked.  She cared for her husband, flirted with him, discussed with him, served him, and challenged him.  She was no pushover, but if he wanted a drink or sandwich, she instinctively got up and made it for him, never feeling put upon to do so.

She was shrewd and wise, but she treated everyone around her with tact and humanity even if they did not return the favor….because her actions were based on character and not emotion, though she did have emotion and empathy.  Even in disagreement she had……class.

Yes, class is a word that describes her well.  Class, tact, grace, ladylike, strong, humble, confident…….all woman and very self-aware.

That is the kind of submissive I want to be – the kind of woman I want to be.  That is the type of person whom it is easy to respect.

Thank you, Mom.

happy dance

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I cannot tell you why Snoopy is dancing………yet

But as I am at the office, I must for now let him do the dancing for me.

When I get home……I will be getting truly jiggy with it.

Heading off Retreat

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Life seems to have many patterns.  We all develop them.  I am not sure if it is because of the inherent vulnerability and honesty required for a D/s relationship….but D/s interaction seems to bring to light negative patterns in the way we relate to others and with ourselves.

One of my “patterns’ is what I call the “preemptive retreat.”  I learned it first when dating and perfected it in marriage.  If it seemed as if rejection or dismissal was imminent, I retreated first.  I once read a book that stated that many women have two basic fears: the fear of being too much and the fear of not being enough.  being too much was always ones of my fears.  Even though I was shy as a child, my aunt used to say affectionately that I was bigger than life….mostly because I was so creative and passionate about any creation.  

I did not create this blog to rehash old relationships, so I will not do that….but suffice it to say that I was very good at anticipating when I might have become “too much” and backing off so that I did not drive others away.  And without even fully realizing it, I have done that recently with someone who has never given me any reason to suspect I would need to employ that self-protective tactic.  In fact, I have been given every reason to trust that not only could I never be too much or not enough…even if I were He would not disappear.  We would always discuss.

And yet those old patterns are hard to completely shake off at times.  I realized over the weekend that there is another characteristic that I should add to my personal “Characteristics of a good Dominant” list.  A good Dominant will assist, guide, walk beside, and be patient with a submissive’s humanness.  He will not declare her “too much trouble” if she missteps in an area that He knows has been a struggle for her.  it is part of that care for her well-being. He does not expect a ready-made submissive with all of her kinks (lol) worked out who will require no effort.  Part of the joy for Him is in the journey, I think.

So I stopped my retreat, acknowledged it, repented of it, and received correction.  And now the slate is clean – no waiting period of purgatory for the sake of punishment.  Correction was swift, specific, and then the slate was clean again.  

And I am one step closer to putting away the preemptive retreat for good.

Laughter

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A masterful Dominant can command obedience with 

A look

A sensual Dominant can melt his submissive with

A single stroke

A romantic Dominant can cause a submissive to sigh with

A single line

But

The Dominant who can make His submissive

Laugh

Is a wonderful, wonderful Dominant

Indeed.

The Learning Curve

I remember my first few piano lessons.  I was a child.  I loved the piano. I had been singing, tinkering on the keys at home, and trying my hand at imitating melodies since I was 3 or 4 years old.  At 7 I was finally allowed to begin lessons.  My teacher was the theory teacher at the college, a rather gruff man.

Something happened during those few few lessons.  I made mistakes.  I missed notes.  I did not even know how to read music yet.  I thought I understood what a scale was, but I didn’t realize it changed if one began on a note other than C.  In short, though the desire was there….I did not begin piano lessons knowing how to play piano.  And sometimes……..I cried when I practiced and couldn’t get it right quickly enough to satisfy myself.  And recitals….oh my.  The first few years I was physically sick before each one.  And yet I played.

I wonder what would have happened if my teacher had thrown up his hands in that first few weeks, declaring I was fooling myself and was certainly no musician.  What would have happened if he had laughed at me when my fingers fumbled through those first few lessons?

I would not have soared through the first two books in six months.  I would not have been playing Chopin four years later.  I would not have joined the band, begun to write music, sung an original song at a camp…..and ended up both singing and playing with groups and individually all over the country and in Europe.

Because he did not look at my fumbling beginner’s fingers and declare me a “piano wanna be,” I experienced things that helped to shape who I am….and I have been blessed to spend nearly two decades teaching other children to love music and excel in creativity.

All because someone was wise and patient enough not to judge me as done before I began.  I need to look up that old professor and tell him thank you…..for being a man of character.

How does any of this relate to being a new submissive?  I think it is pretty self-explanatory.

Thank you again

i was nominated for a Liebster Award by Kayla Lords, whose wonderful blog is here:

http://kaylalords.wordpress.com/

I was nominated for this award a few days ago, and the blogs that I would love to nominate were either nominated then or nominated by those who nominated me.  However, I love answering (and asking) questions, so I’m going to answer Kayla’s:

1. How would other people describe you?

Funny (I always wanted to try my hand at stand up), friendly, ladylike (lol), creative, a little scattered at times

2. How would you describe yourself?

I would agree with the above, but I would add emotional, silly at times, loving, sometimes blunt

3. What do you love to do?

I love to write and to sing.  I also love spending time with my kids and watching movies or musicals and spending time at the beach

4. What do you hate to do?

Housework.  Yes, I do it, and I feel really good when my house is clean….but it ain’t my favorite thing

5. What do you dream of doing with your life and are you working towards that dream?

Being a published author, therefore I write and just submitted a new manuscript (fingers crossed).  I also want to teach again, so I am adding a certification to make me more marketable.

6. When was the last time you laughed?

Earlier this morning as my puppy attacked a shoe

7. Who was your first love?

Bryan, a wonderful boy with whom I went on my first real date, who I dated for several months, and who was tragically killed by a drunk driver.  He set the dating bar very high

8. Who do you love now?

My children, My family, My friends, and Sir

9. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

An actress, a singer, a teacher, a nurse, and a writer

10. Who did you look up to as a child? Who was your hero?

My father, Dorothy Hammil, Laure Ingalls Wilder, and Anne of Green Gables

11. What turns you on? What’s your kink? (You knew I had to ask – I write about SEX!)

I love being bound and blindfolded, never knowing where He will touch next.  I love kneeling before Him and worshiping His cock

Thank you again for the nomination, and check out Kayla’s Blog.  It always warms my heart.