Sometimes we go through a roller coaster of emotions and life seems to “gift” us with a variety of stressors at the same time, and….oh heck, sometimes I just wig out when stress reaches its peak. I don’t like it. I am better than I used to be. But I am way more likely to be cast as Virginia Woolf or Anne Shirley than I am to be cast as Elinor or Spock. It may be the right-brain artsy thing.
In addition to some growing pains in my relationship, I have had other pains as well. I child whose illness was hard to figure out (nothing life threatening thank goodness) and some news about my own health that will involve surgery to the part of my body covered with long hair. NO, you kinky people…my HEAD. Sheesh…. 🙂 Well, add to that the struggles of a distance D/s relationship that began as friendship, Sir’s own nicotine withdrawals and job stress, the changing barometer (and global warming and the economy lol)….and….it is a recipe for some slight drama. I normally hate drama, but sometimes it overtakes me.
In short, the pendulum of emotions over the past few days has caused me to see mountains where there were molehills. It was with great patience that Sir talked me through the reality versus my fears and emotions. Even better, He told me under no circumstances was I do worry over my emotions or punish myself for having them. His words: “Girl….you are having brain surgery. I think it stands to reason that you might be a little emotional and fearful.”
His desire in our relationship was not to discard the D/s element, but to balance it with the other elements, especially when there were some pretty big things going on in each of our lives. We needed to be able to be each other’s FRIEND without being bound by protocol. Or labels. It isn’t “over;” it is evolving.
I am….relieved but also, I must confess….flabbergasted. This may be the first time that I have allowed that very real fear to overtake me that someone didn’t just…..leave. I was not completely rational. I was emotional. I was needy. I tried to read His mind and failed badly.
And He is still here.
I do not think I can fully articulate how….overwhelming that is.