One of the first things I did when I had read enough and soul-searched enough to know that what I felt was an instinctive drawing to being a submissive really WAS right for me was to search for sites where I could learn. I didn’t know much, so I just developed my own “screening” process. I knew I was too new and ignorant to be distracted by being pursued or approached or whatever else might happen in that vein, so there were several things I looked for in order to cross a site off my list, at least until I learned more:
1. If the site bombarded me with adds for free XXX porn, etc. as soon as I clicked on it, it was off the list
2. If I was bombarded with ads to “find Dominants/submissives in your area now! Chat live!” it was off the list
3. If there was a “scare the hell out of a newbie” giant image as the opening page (lol, I know, but geez)
4. If it seemed fine, but within the first half hour of exploring pop ups for chats and personal ads and such started taking over
5. If there were more chat rooms for doing kinky stuff with people than there were links or articles or chat rooms for learning and discussion
None of the above makes a site bad. I just knew for me it would be too much. I needed a “spiral curriculum,” so to speak. I found a site that had many helpful articles written by a variety of people, from several perspectives. There was clear protocol in the chat rooms. They offered regular classes and discussions which, again, had clear protocol. As I observed, I saw people treated with respect, and when someone came in and began overtly trolling for “sub booty” or the reverse – someone who claimed to be a sub began pursuing and wooing every Dom/me in the room, they were respectfully but swiftly dealt with. This site was a wonderful nurturing place for me to really explore and ask questions. I live in a very small area where there is little to do except watch your neighbors. There are no clubs or organizations or networks inside a two hour radius. So this site was essential for me.
Now I am seeing that reading blogs is another excellent place of learning. It can also be a very safe way for me especially to approach Sir about a particular topic. There have been things that both He and I have desired that we were unable to really articulate it until it was blogged. one example would be The Dom Next Door’s posts about Hyde.
The community of D/s is unlike any I have known really. there seems to be a real openness and willingness to share with and help each other in our journeys. I think that has been one of the most pleasantly unexpected parts of the journey and learning.
So I suppose this is a thank you to those of you who open the door (or peephole) into your own D/s lives. I for one have learned much.
Here is the blog I specifically mentioned above: http://thedomnextdoor.wordpress.com/