Last night was a very revealing night between Sir and me. We talked via phone and over email for several hours. We both crave more. We shared this at great length, some of it with the help of a few blogs I follow . A special shout out thank you to http://thedomnextdoor.wordpress.com/ His blogs about Hyde have been the topic of several of our recent discussions. I was trying to express what I meant when I told Him I wanted Him to take away all of my will/ all of my choices/ and to be at His mercy even when I am begging for Him to stop. This is the analogy I wrote. It is based on my recent experience riding “The Forbidden Journey” Harry Potter ride – lol:
I want You to hurt me. I want to be at Your mercy.
There was a feeling I got when the restraint went over my shoulders at Universal Studios and the harry Potter ride began entering the darkness. It had started. There was no turning back or getting off. I was at the mercy of the ride until it was done. I was helpless. During the ride I was dizzy, helpless, terrified, in anguish, crying out, out of control, ignorant of what was next, desperate, praying for it to end, not wanting it to end, screaming, tearful, shaking, and there was not a damn thing I could do about any of it.
And when it was over……I was EXHILARATED.
I knew even in the midst of the chaos that I was safe. And so I was able to rise above the temporary primal emotions.
That is what I want to experience with You…because I know I am safe.
I wondered if it was a lame way to explain. Sir understood perfectly. Every time I find that there is more to bare with Sir, and He takes it with such care……well, there is no way to describe it, but for those who are also on this journey….you know.