the thud

I confess I have seen the long movie series, Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea, more time than I can count.  In many ways, I was her growing up, except for the red hair (I STILL wish I had red hair).  I remember one line in the later part of the movies:

“I can’t help flying up on the wings of anticipation……it’s so glorious, it almost pays for the thud.”

Well…..it has been 5 days since I said goodbye to Sir at the airport, and today has been a day of thud.  It is expected that there would be a “drop” after such an intense time together.  But honestly, it is tough to do alone.  My arms and chest ache, wishing I could feel Him.  We have emailed, spoken on the phone.  But I miss Him….so so very much.  Last night I woke up in the wee hours wrapped tightly and oddly around the 6 foot body pillow I have had in my bed since my first pregnancy.  And though nothing has really provoked them, tears have been just behind my eyes at various points today.  Earlier I called Sir – He had told me to call if I needed Him – and He was sitting down to a late dinner.  He wants me to call Him when I go to bed.  Strangely….though I want to hear His voice, at the same time it reminds me that He is far away.

I am not Eeyore-ish by nature.  I am usually more like Tigger, bouncing around…or maybe Kanga, taking care of people.  But today my ears are definitely dragging the ground.  It is normal, part of the coming down from such intensity and part of having a relationship that spans many miles.  But yes, tonight I feel lonely and pity-party-ish.  It will pass.  I always does.  But…this is the hard part.  And I confess that I do not like it one bit.

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