I have tried several times to sit down and write a poem or essay or just a few rambling thoughts about exactly why it is that this submission is so….fulfilling. About why it just completes something in me and makes me stronger. Words have been my favorite things since I could hold a pencil correctly, so I thought that surely I could find a way to illustrate it, to express it, to do the inward reverence I feel justice.
I cannot. But something in me just….radiates peace with this newfound core of who I am. I knew after striving to be the one holding everything together, making the decisions, being the initiator….and having something die inside while I was married….and then eventually seeing my marriage die, that what I had been trying to be didn’t work. That is a long story that isn’t necessary to detail.
But in an unexpected way, He entered my life. Friendship blossomed so naturally. Trust made sense and was proven to be well-placed. The spark, the draw, was there….and then we shared this inward desire that we had never shared with anyone else. His inclination toward Dominance, mine toward submission. And we explored, read, talked…….
I am still amazed. It was something in Him that He had known but had never really pursued in the way He wanted……I knew that surrender brought serenity, strength – it made sense. And so we began. He is natural, strong, determined, forceful, tender….incredible. I am a somewhat slower learner. My right brained, where-are-my-keys, scatteredness can be a challenge for U/us both. But my life has….taken flight in ways I didn’t know existed. I am…me. I am vulnerable, naked (literally at times 🙂 ). I am corrected, disciplined, but still cherished. I am used and taken and denied…..but still seduced and caressed and thrilled.
So…..there is no way to adequately express it. Even the most difficult things H/he has had me do or share have been some of the most freeing and empowering experiences of my adult life.
Thank You, Sir.